I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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