8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
