Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
