apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
