HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
