He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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