Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
