What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
