nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
