Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
