some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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