Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
