There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
