OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
