dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
