we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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