is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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