I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
bring money and cleavage
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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