Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He shit in the fireplace
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
