You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
