omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize