best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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