my phone needs a breathalizer
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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