Can Purell be used as lube?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
