Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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