imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
