apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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