Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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