take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
