Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Randomize
