I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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