He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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