i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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