ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Someone came in the potted fern
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
