So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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