I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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