They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
