If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
