lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
