the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
