I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
