MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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