we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
