Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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