I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
