I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
