he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
