So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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