Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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