I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We need to get me chipped asap
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
