I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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