I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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