he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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