i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
