who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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