Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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