The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
