She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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