i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
