So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
