First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
