His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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