even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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