i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
