My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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