it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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