Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
