my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think im going to throw up on grandma
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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