i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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