I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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