I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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