You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
