I seem to have left my pride at pride
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
