I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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