I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
