ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
