mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
