you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
