I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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