I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
