so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
