I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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