I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize